Monday, March 14, 2005"Manifesting"I have 24 minutes to write this blog.One of my closest readers made a comment to me today that my blogs are all uniformly... positive. He said they're, like, polished and happy. I obviously have not been whining enough. We can fix that. Let's talk about my schedule. And let's talk about "manifesting." Personally, I think I'm manifesting like a mofo these days. Over the past 18 months I've manifested two of my lifelong dreams: a house and the soon-to-be published book. Other dreams are perched on the horizon, waiting to swoop down on me and take me off to lovely distant places. I am working on expanding my thoughts, exploring possibilities, never saying no to the impossible.. and the impossible is happening. But wait a sec. What's this passive voice crap? The impossible is happening... what does that mean? Does it mean I'm sitting here in a lotus position, thinking wide expansive thoughts and then someone walks up to me and hands me a house key? Does it mean that I'm breathing deeply and becoming one with my inner non-wounded child and reuniting with my innocent, wide-open self -- and then waking up to find my preview book all lovely and perfect and waiting for me at the printers? Ah. No. It means I'm working my ass off. Let me rephrase that and I'm really sorry about any FCC implications. I'm working my fucking ass off. In the course of my week (here comes the whining), I work a full time job, I have my kids three to four nights and every other weekend. On the nights I have the kids we have about two hours to finish homework, pack lunches, eat dinner, play a bunch of video games (while I sort mail, pay bills, clean dishes, buy and put away groceries and all that other boring crap that goes into the barest possible maintenance of a house.) On the nights I don't have the kids I usually do acupuncture and one form of exercise -- yoga or JKD (martial arts, Jeet Kune Do... you've gotta keep up with me here.) I have a chiropractor appointment every other week. I see a therapist weekly. I have a variety of other doctors I see for a variety of other things. The kids have basketball practice twice a week and on saturdays we are currently committed to no less than SIX activities, including two basketball games, three martial arts classes and one drumming (Kulintang) class. (Gotta keep up... or stay tuned.. I'll explain Kulintang some other time.) On the mornings I don't have the kids I go to the gym. The goal for me is to exercise 3 - 5 times a week, which has to be wedged into the weekends, the mornings and/or the nights I have the kids. Am I whining enough yet for ya? There's more. There's my drive time phone queue. My close friends and associates know that I am usually booked up for drive time phone calls about two commutes in advance. I'm the only lunatic on the planet who sometimes wishes her commute were LONGER so I can get more of my personal biz phone calls in during drive time. During the day, of course, I do nothing but my assigned work for UMG, focussing studiously on functional specs and the intricacies of writing down the process of our process, thus complying with the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of something something something that is currently taking my work day and making it a festival of minutia and militaristic acronyms. (Actually, yes, this is true, but I also cram in everything I can at the same time... but don't tell anyone from UMG that I would ever THINK of doing personal work while at the office. That would be unethical.) I'm also fixing up and leasing my mom's condo in Pasadena. It's really nice. You should rent it. We put in all new appliances, painted everything, new carpet, new sinks and faucets. It's in a quiet building on a tree-lined street. I think you'd like it. I really do. Then there's the opera job, which luckily isn't happening right now. But it will be in April. You should come down and see us. It's really good. We're doing Trial By Jury and The Zoo down in Escondido. I think you'd like it. I really do. I maintain my relationships with my girlfriends. I try to maintain my relationship with my boyfriend. I keep the cat fed (mostly). I pay my bills on time and keep my house clean and am nice to the gardener and tip generously. And I have this BOOK. This book is not actually writing itself. I'M writing it. I'm writing it at 6 in the morning and at about 11:30 at night. I fall asleep writing it. I actually dreamed the other night that I was curled up on the bed looking at the laptop monitor (which usually ends up next to me) and in my sleep I was looking at it and trying to keep working. I'm working on the design of the preview book, the look of the site, the marketing and the promo of the whole thing. And writing these blogs. SO YEAH. I'm manifesting all right. And it's ALL wonderful. It really really is. I'm actually NOT getting sick and I'm NOT getting headaches ... well, actually I think I am but I'm too busy to stop and take any meds for them and by the time I get back to checking in with them, they're usually gone. With the help of the therapist and the exercise and the incredible grounding of actually getting to do the writing at least once a day... it's all working. So what's all this manifesting shit anyway? Can you just work your ass off and your dreams will all come true? Nope. I don't think so. I think you have to read all my other blogs and follow your bliss and know your facehugger and THEN work your ass off. THEN I think it has a chance of working. Sometimes, seriously (and yes I'm sick I know it)... sometimes I think it just can't get more fun than this. That I'm seriously having the time of my life here. And then someone will mention that maybe someday I can have this much fun AND not be working until I'm stupid and tired and dreaming of looking at the monitor. Maybe I can have this much fun AND take a little time to breathe and contemplate my navel and ... who knows???... manifest something like leisure. Damn. How do you work your ass off to get leisure? I'm open for suggestions on that one. (Two minutes to spare. Time to get the kids to bed.) # posted by Katherine Doughtie Nolan @ 9:15 PM  
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